Hi guys, 

i have decided to stop the posts being only about romance problems. 

So, I am ill... Not fun I can assure you... Unfortunatly though, my dad has told me I have to do homework.... AND any homeowrk Iv'e missed.... Whilst doing the homework I am try to get better so that I can do rock climbing tomorrow... Rock climbing is really important to me because it's one of the only ways that I can keep fit due to my hypermobility and the fact that my hip pops out... :/ I do rock glimbing twice a week :D

The only downside of being at home is the fact that we have about 8 weeks until our actual GCSE's... So all of the time that I'm off will not help me to prepare and learn enough for the exams.... :/ It's really stressful.... AND my textiles coursework was in for today, I'm only about 3/4's through.... Anyway I should start my homework......

bye xx

As a girl, i find boys particularly confusing... Especially when they say that they like you then tell you that you are going too quickly when you respond the same way as them... This hasn't just happened once, it has happened multiple times... Guys change their minds too often... One day they love you the next they love someone else... I can't be the only girl who has experienced this...
One of these days I won't believe a single word that comes out of a guys mouth! It's so infuriating!!!

Hi, 

As I'm sure you're all aware, today is valentines day, which can go either 1 of 2 ways:

1. You have an awesome day with the very special person in your life
2. Or you have a shit day feeling inferior to everyone in a relationship...

So... I've had my fair share of screw-ups! I  have messed up 1 too many times.... Why does it have to happen to me? I feel like my life has always been an up-hill ride. and to all those people whom I've hurt on the way, I never meant to or planned to or liked to. I lost myself a long time ago, and I'm just trying to find that small lost girl... but I feel like she's lost forever... All I ever needed was someone to show me who I am... To find me... However when someone gets close, I get scared of being hurt.... So I hurt them.... but by hurting them, I hurt myself! I hate it!!!!!!!!!!! 

The only thing that could make me feel better is talking to you..... Please talk....

Every single morning, he's the first thing I think about. In my lessons, I'm only thinking about what he's doing. I cannot get him off my mind. I keep going back to that day, asking myself, if I was as happy as I was with him, then why did I mess up as stupidly as I did?! However no matter how much I try to tell myself that he doesn't like me, I can't escape from the fact that I'm falling in love with him and I can't live properly without him.... But he evidently doesn't like me as much... :'(

So basically, there is one guy who I like a lot! But I messed it ip big time... I told him that i met someone else, however this was a lie.. It was because I was scared for no reason and i don't even know why... It would mean more than the world to me if he forgave me and would take me back, but I've screwed it up so much that I'm not sure its an option anymore... His smile alone can make a rainy day sunny, and make flowers bloom in winter, and fix my heart. My feelings cant be properly described with words!

I've just found out that my ex (Rob) is (and has always been) in love with a girl called Rachel. So, I was just being used by him as a fill in for her... Why does this always happen to me?! The first person I love, lied to my face when he told me that he loved me.... Life is f*****g sh*t! I feel like a complete fool! I wonder if I even deserve love..... I can be a horrid person.... I dont deserve anyone as nice as him.

So, I guess we all know that feeling of being dumped, of having your heart broken for the first time... but for me techically it's not the first time... I mean, yes he was my first love, but I guess you could say that my parents broke my little 13 year old heart, when they told me that they were splitting up... so, I guess you could say I've got used to heartache...I mean, my dog died a little while after my sisters birthday, then my grandad died (not too long after my dog) from Pick's disease (google it), at the beginning of the summer that year my aunt and uncle split up, then at the end of the summer holidays my parents told me that they were splitting up... I'm not looking for sympathy, but I'm not gonna lie, my life's been pretty bad.... Anyway back on the subject, obviously I've been out with boys before but I've always dumped them because I get scared by the future easily.... and when I finally feel like I can make a relationship last longer than a couple of months (if that), the other person has other ideas... and yes, maybe it was my fault, I mean, they told me not to be hyper but what they didnt realise is that me being hyper is my way of stopping my anger, just like someone cuts their wrists or commits suicide or takes drugs or get drunk everynight, its my way of dealing with it... so, when I stop being hyper I become angry, I throw things, I kick walls, I slam doors, I shout at people, I scream... all because that's whats going round my head everyday I just dont usually let people see it, I let them think that I'm a crazy, hyper, overpowering, annoying, childish, teenaged girl, all because if they saw what problems I face or if they tried to live my life, they would be shit scared and would end up killing themselves. I'd like to point out now, that I've never once thought about killing myself, or cutting my wrists, or taking drugs, or getting drunk everynight only because I feel that it would be selfish and it would hurt the people around me too much for me to bare. so, I go on live my miserable life, hoping that someone would lighten it up. I find that person and he wants to just be friends, he thinks that my problem at home should be seen to before any relationship. well, let me say this, I'm not perfect! I never will be! My problems at home will get easier to deal with but the wounds to fresh to be bandaged up yet. 

So, today is the first day of the half term holiday and I'm just gonna relax and hangout with friends! Tomorrow is my 4 month anniversary (going out with Rob)! To be honest I haven't really got any plans set in stone. It would be awesome if he suprised me with something really romantic, but he's got a lot of work to do today, so I don't think he'll have time to plan anything. Oh well. 

Another update:

I've just re-discovered one of my favorite singers! Kate McGill! I love her voice so much! my favorite song by her is "Diamonds and Waste" but I also really like "Full to the Brim" and "The Key". please listen to the her! 

Looking forward to going to Spain on Thursday! 

Until next time

xxx

So, today my boyfriend came over with X-Men First Class! I've watched all the other X-Men films but not this one. It was a wonderful day! my heart skips and I feel butterflies in my stomach everytime I think about it! Is this what love is? How am I meant to know for sure? All I know, is that I've never felt like this before!! Thats gotta mean something right?! Anyway, I loved the film! I think they also casted really great actors for it! I think that it's great to understand where Mystique came from and how she ended up with Magneto! I also liked how Magneto accepted all of the mutants for who they really were! I enjoyed the film thoroughly!