Break-ups...
So, I guess we all know that feeling of being dumped, of having your heart broken for the first time... but for me techically it's not the first time... I mean, yes he was my first love, but I guess you could say that my parents broke my little 13 year old heart, when they told me that they were splitting up... so, I guess you could say I've got used to heartache...I mean, my dog died a little while after my sisters birthday, then my grandad died (not too long after my dog) from Pick's disease (google it), at the beginning of the summer that year my aunt and uncle split up, then at the end of the summer holidays my parents told me that they were splitting up... I'm not looking for sympathy, but I'm not gonna lie, my life's been pretty bad.... Anyway back on the subject, obviously I've been out with boys before but I've always dumped them because I get scared by the future easily.... and when I finally feel like I can make a relationship last longer than a couple of months (if that), the other person has other ideas... and yes, maybe it was my fault, I mean, they told me not to be hyper but what they didnt realise is that me being hyper is my way of stopping my anger, just like someone cuts their wrists or commits suicide or takes drugs or get drunk everynight, its my way of dealing with it... so, when I stop being hyper I become angry, I throw things, I kick walls, I slam doors, I shout at people, I scream... all because that's whats going round my head everyday I just dont usually let people see it, I let them think that I'm a crazy, hyper, overpowering, annoying, childish, teenaged girl, all because if they saw what problems I face or if they tried to live my life, they would be shit scared and would end up killing themselves. I'd like to point out now, that I've never once thought about killing myself, or cutting my wrists, or taking drugs, or getting drunk everynight only because I feel that it would be selfish and it would hurt the people around me too much for me to bare. so, I go on live my miserable life, hoping that someone would lighten it up. I find that person and he wants to just be friends, he thinks that my problem at home should be seen to before any relationship. well, let me say this, I'm not perfect! I never will be! My problems at home will get easier to deal with but the wounds to fresh to be bandaged up yet.